


The One Where John Fakes His Death

by ShanleenKinnJaskey



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, F/M, Genderbending, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-25 00:46:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3790354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShanleenKinnJaskey/pseuds/ShanleenKinnJaskey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A play based on Sherlock, with everyone except John as another gender.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where John Fakes His Death

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for a creative writing class awhile back, before I discovered the wonderfulness of gay shipping.
> 
> Sorenson: Lestrade  
> Mark Williams: John  
> Thornhill: Anderson

_Curtain rises. MARK WILLIAMS stands at stage left, illuminated by a spotlight_.

MARK’S WORDS: There are only two people who have ever come close to beating Sherlock Finch at her own game. There is, of course, the famous Katherine Tomas, her arch nemesis, but there is another one not many know about- the own Sherlock refers to as ‘the Man’. To those who know of the infamous Lucas Adler’s connection to Sherlock, the names she calls him seems like it is just the great detective paying homage to her namesake. However, I know that it goes deeper than that. To Sherlock Finch, Lucas Adler is the only truly baffling human on the planet. Sherlock knows where she stands with Katherine Tomas; their relationship is a chess game, a puzzle to be solved. Lucas Adler is chaotic, a force of nature no one can really predict the movements of, and I believe that’s what makes him so irresistible to the cold, scientific woman who eschews human emotion and can figure out anyone in a heartbeat. (pauses) To Sherlock Finch, Lucas Adler truly deserves the title of ‘the Man’- the only person to ever truly elude the great detective.

As usual, it all started with a murder. As horrible as this will sound, I’d kind of been hoping that Sherlock would get a new case soon, preferably a murder as those seemed to work the best at getting her out of her “funks”. At first she would brood quietly…

_As MARK’S voice trails off the spotlight dims on him. A spotlight shines on a living room at stage right. SHERLOCK FINCH lies brooding on a couch for a few moments, then jumps up, grabs a gun from the coffee table and shoots at the wall a few times. She stops, picks up the phone on the table and begins to pace, scrolling through the cases on the screen._

SHERLOCK: The stepfather’s pretending to be the boyfriend- boring. The guy across the street stole the book- dull. The bride loves someone else- mind-numbing, tiresome, boring, and dull. Ugh, IT’S SO BORING! THERE ARE NO GOOD CASES!

_SHERLOCK flops back onto the couch, dragging her hands down her face. A spotlight shines on MARK._

MARK’S WORDS: She was getting pretty annoying, so please don’t be disgusted with me because I felt a bit relieved when Detective Maggie Sorenson of the police department showed up and told Sherlock she had a mysterious suicide she wanted investigated.

 _Spotlight fades from MARK. A knock echoes through the theatre. SHERLOCK gets up off of the couch and goes to the door. She opens it to reveal SORENSON_.

DETECTIVE SORENSON: I have a mysterious suicide downtown I want you to investigate.

SHERLOCK: Who’s on forensics?

SORENSON: (apologetically) It’s Thornhill.

SHERLOCK: Ugh. You know I can’t work with him. I’m bringing an assistant.

SORENSON: (raises an eyebrow) You mean Williams, don’t you?

SHERLOCK: (glares) You know who I mean- I don’t need to answer that question.

SORENSON: (smiles) Meet me at 1220 Madison Street. I know you don’t like riding in the police car.

_SORENSON leaves, closing the door behind her. SHERLOCK waits a few moments to make sure she’s gone before jumping up and down with joy._

SHERLOCK: Finally, a mysterious suicide- it’s Christmas!

_SHERLOCK runs over to the stairs._

SHERLOCK: (Calling up the stairs excitedly) Get your coat, Mark! We have a suicide to investigate!

_Lights dim. Soon a spotlight comes back on, shining on MARK and SHERLOCK in a car. MARK is driving, SHERLOCK is sitting in the passenger seat chewing gum._

MARK’S WORDS: Sherlock and I followed the police car in my van. I knew Sherlock would never travel in a police car until the day she died- she was too proud for that. The funny thing is that even though she claimed that human emotion polluted the higher thinking processes and that she would take no part in it, you could see it come out sometimes- a bit of pride, a bit of contempt, a bit of caring. But I digress. I sat there in the car smirking as I realized something: the police had said it was suicide, but the one thing I’d learned from helping out Sherlock Finch was that it’s never just a suicide- it’s almost always a murder.

SHERLOCK: Mark, what do you think about the case?

MARK: (raises an eyebrow) You’re asking me?

SHERLOCK: Well, yeah. Why not?

MARK: ‘Cause you’re normally either thinking or lecturing, sorry, explaining, your deductions at this point.

SHERLOCK: Well, this time I want to hear yours. You’re my colleague and my housemate. Aren’t I supposed to occasionally include you in things?

MARK: Okay, then. Well, it’s probably not a suicide. The police would never have come to you if it was just a suicide. If it really is just a suicide, the other possibility is that there are either some unexplained elements or the victim is a famous person.

SHERLOCK: Good job. (pauses) For what can optimistically be expected of someone of your level of intelligence.

MARK’S WORDS: I didn’t respond to her comment. I knew that she hadn’t meant it to be rude. She was just telling the truth as she saw it-albeit bluntly.

_SHERLOCK and MARK arrive at an old abandoned building and get out of the car. SORENSON walks up to them._

SHERLOCK: So, Sorenson, where’s the body?

_SORENSON rolls her eyes and leads them inside of the building. They walk into an old office. Spread across the floor is the body of a tall, pale, black-haired man in a dark blue suit and a brown tie. SHERLOCK walks up to the body, crouches down next to it, and begins examining it. She takes her magnifying glass out of her boot and scans the hands and face of the body through it, then looks down the sides of the body, stopping only to take something out of one of the pants pockets. Then she takes out her phone and clicks a few things, probably looking something up. Then she stands up, turns, and looks at MARK and SORENSON._

SHERLOCK: Okay, so other than the rather obvious facts that this is Joshua Lorenzo, an overseas reporter that has gone around the world twice in the last month and eschews modern technology, and that it’s clearly a murder, not a suicide, I can deduce nothing else.

SORENSON: What do you mean obvious?

SHERLOCK: It’s plain as day for those who know how to observe, Sorenson.

SORENSON: I can observe, Sherlock.

SHERLOCK: No you don't, Sorenson. You see, but don't observe.

MARK smiles, stepping back to watch them.

MARK'S WORDS: I knew that although Sorenson said Sherlock was the most annoying person she'd ever met (and she probably was), and Sherlock acted like Sorenson was incredibly ignorant, they held each other in the utmost respect, but eventually I always ended up stepping in and breaking it up so that Sherlock could explain her deductions to the rest of us mortals.

MARK: Girls, girls. (steps in between SORENSON and SHERLOCK) I think it's time to stop arguing. (Turns to SHERLOCK) Sherlock, do you mind explaining how you figured this all out?

_SORENSON flashes MARK a grateful smile._

SHERLOCK: There are faded ink stains on his hands and face. His sleeve over his left elbow, as well as his right cuff, are shiny from where they rub against the table when he writes- he's also right handed. There are Japanese yens balled up in his pocket and his watch, though it has the right time, is two days behind. That model of that brand of watch only came out a month ago. Look, (SHERLOCK points to the man's other pants pocket) there are creases in his other pocket which only match the shape of a tape recorder. Some reporters still eschew phones and use tape recorders instead. So, what overseas reporter has gone to Japan in the last few days, taken two around-the-world trips, is decidedly old-fashioned, and looks like this body?

_SHERLOCK holds up a phone. On the screen is a thumbnail picture of the man on the bed along with his name, a list of articles he has written, and the name of the newspaper he writes for in big letters: London Times._

SHERLOCK: And I know you’re wondering why I think it’s a suicide. Well, look- the bullet hole is on the left side of his head. His right cuff is shiny, the pads of his right index finger and thumb are slightly worn down, and his right pocket has obviously been used more than his left. He is right-handed and it would take some serious contortion for him to shoot himself in the left side of the head. That’s how I know it wasn’t a suicide. I believe that people would probably like to get suicides over with as quickly as possible. Also, they wouldn’t get rid of every form of identification including the tags on their clothing. Therefore, it is murder, not suicide.

MARK: Brilliant- as usual.

_SHERLOCK gives MARK an almost unnoticeable smile then gestures to SORENSON as she slips her magnifying glass back into her boot._

SHERLOCK: I’m going to need background on Joshua Lorenzo. What was he reporting on? Where did he travel to last? Did he have any enemies? Please deliver any data to Baker Street. Come, my dear Watson, I’m gonna need you to check something out for me.

_SHERLOCK marches out the door. MARK flashes an apologetic look at SORENSON before following SHERLOCK out of the building. The curtain falls._

END OF SCENE I

**Author's Note:**

> Should I continue this? I have a couple of scenes written, but I'm not sure about them.


End file.
